Ships That Pass in The Night

I was wondering about how often we make friends in work, on college and university courses, through other friends and sometimes even briefly at bus stops or at the supermarket and so on, and it got me thinking that we often make good friends this way and then we move on and never see them again.  In thinking about this, it got me thinking that so many parts of our lives are undiscovered, in the fact that we don’t give much thought to what can seem passing or irrelevant; I feel that much of our complex human nature can be found in such ruminations, if we only stopped and paused now and again, just to think about whatever is on our minds.

What is this human nature, why do we think so profoundly, why do we have the urge to create, or ponder deep issues, what is it in us that makes us yearn for things we can’t even express adequately?  I think that it is pondering and coming to terms with our extremely complex nature, the thought and emotions we sometimes have and the yearnings for understanding and to make sense of who we are and what makes us tick, that we begin to see there is more to us than meets the eye.  Human beings to some extent are motivated by their emotions, can be thrilled by emotions, or caged by them and often all kinds of people make decisions when they are in what can be described as an emotional state.  We can’t escape our emotions to a certain extent, and sometimes they can blind us to greater truths.  Some people are good at controlling them or masking them, whilst others are a slave to them and will act how they feel.  In some cases, it is good to conquer emotions and in other cases it is sometimes good to be guided by them too.

We were made for variety of all kinds; to eat a variety of foods, to experience a variety of emotions, to do a variety of different things.  Our imaginations can build whole worlds, even if those worlds are only in our head.  An animal can go through its whole life eating the same things, doing the same things, and perhaps thinking the same things; but humans were definitely created for variety and to be more than the sum of our parts.  It would be a boring world if we all looked the same and talked the same and ate the same food.  We can all learn so much from each other after all. 

Sometimes, for no particular reason, I can be thinking about things that move me in some way, for no particular reason at all and I can be carried off as it were on flights of fancy.  I think all humans drift off like this and get caught up in daydreams of one kind or another.  Much of what passes for reality for us as individuals could be part of an emotional state; what we love, who we love, what and who we hate, what we find beautiful, what we find worthy, what we dismiss as beneath our contempt and what we find that is of value.  I sometimes think we ascribe great importance to what isn’t that relevant at all and dismiss or play down what is vital to us as human beings.

When we go on holiday or planning to go on a holiday, we can even as adults get feelings of anticipation and excitement; I certainly do anyway.  The feelings when we’re walking alone on a beach in some remote place, or a forest somewhere or even when we are in a beautiful town looking at people and the shops and restaurants; it is hard to describe but I think all people need to value these moments, the moments of introspection and the moments of abstract thought and simple pleasures; it’s part of being human.

In understanding that we are often a web of complex emotions, feelings and abstract thoughts, we can begin to understand our wonderful complexity, the marvellous complexity of it all, the wonder that is a human being.  How can anyone think that the marvellous complexity of a human being is just an accident, a glorious accident no less, but an accident with no purpose?  When people ask for the existence of God, I could tell them to do no more than look in the mirror; you are the evidence for God!  No need for theology or preaching there.

Do you sometimes feel the weight of the world on your shoulders?  I know I do; sometimes anyway.  For whatever reason, sometimes I feel that everything gets on top of me and even interacting with other people, even my good mates, becomes a chore that I don’t want to face.  And like most people in life, I have things that I need to do and things that I want to do too.  I wonder whether other people think and feel like I do, or am I completely unique.  What is this human thing we are, these sad and solitary feelings, this urge to create, this urge to express our innermost being, this desire to communicate the deepest feelings we have?  In these yearnings, that I think all humans have, we can understand the complexity of ourselves and begin to comprehend the nature of God too.

At the end of the 1960’s there was a sense of questioning everything, questioning the validity of western culture and questioning the very nature of humanity.  The early 60’s was Beatles-inspired, poppy and black and white, and the late 60’s was a time when everything was in flux, a kind of transitional state; nothing was certain any more.  Pop music and pop culture began to be more in tune with what many people were going through and what people were thinking.  For a time, there was questioning, a sense of excitement and the idea that anything and everything was possible; there was a real sense of hope.  Of course, today we tend to view the naïve assumptions of the hippie culture as lacking substance and real depth, and we tend with hindsight to see it as transitory and part of its time and place.  All human created things pass eventually, however deeply held they may be or how lasting they may appear.

What if Jesus came in a suit and tie, and short cropped hair, looking more like a businessman; would we respect Him more?  Do we often judge people by the way they dress or speak or by how they present themselves?  I think we all do, even people who might consider themselves believers in equality and people not particularly prejudiced.  If a person finds someone else attractive and the person next to them not attractive, they are making a kind of judgement, the kind that if we are honest we all make or we have all made at one time or the other.  We all have people we like and we all have people we like less; in the same way we make judgements.  I don’t know God’s answer to questions like this but I am interested in finding out.  It seems to me that we should in all matters and as much as is humanly possible, treat everyone with the same respect and consideration that we would hope others would treat us with, regardless of whether we first like them or not.

In exploring our emotions and our deepest feelings, we might just come to some valuable conclusions.  For me this might be to understand that human beings are whole worlds of knowledge, of discovery, of love even.  Whatever, we are far more than we often think we are, that’s for certain.

The Good News

The good news is that Jesus died to save us from sin and sinful lifestyles and so that we can be forgiven and move onto a better life with Him.  Every Christian needs to understand that Jesus can forgive sins and we can have a relationship with Him on a daily and on-going basis; it doesn’t necessarily mean we have to be overly religious or singing hymns we don’t like or being self-righteous or anything like that at all, it’s beyond that in fact.  We can still be normal people and be Christians after all.  The message of Jesus is good news, so good and even so simple that people often miss the goodness in it and over-complicate what is essentially a simple message, a message of love, a message of peace, a message of hope, a message of reconciliation and ultimately a message of salvation.

We’ve all heard people talking about Jesus and writing about Jesus and even singing about Jesus, but what did He say about Himself?  He had quite a lot to say about Himself, some of which may astound you and certainly astounded the people of His day; some of them loved Him for what He said, and others simply wanted to kill Him and get Him out of the picture, perhaps so some of them could get on with the business of being religious without any uncomfortable or awkward truths getting in the way.

I am going to look at some of what Jesus said about Himself and I will be using a New Jerusalem Bible.

“I am the bread of life.  No one who comes to me will ever hunger; no one who believes in me will ever thirst.”  (John 6:35)  In some countries and regions on earth, hunger and thirst are issues that people have to deal with, sometimes on a daily basis.  In Jesus’ times no doubt some people never went hungry and others were probably hungry most of the time.  But we don’t just hunger and thirst for food and drink, as humans we hunger and thirst for God, for meaning, for justice, for a purpose and we certainly hunger for true peace in our lives.  He is the bread of life, the very reason for our existence and the only sustenance that really fulfils; no other earthly thing, no success, accumulating wealth, high social status, nothing in fact can truly fulfil other than Jesus Himself.

“In truth I tell you. Unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  And so, the one who makes himself as little as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.  Anyone who welcomes one little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But anyone who is the downfall of one of these little ones who have faith in me would be better drowned in the depths of the sea with a great millstone around his neck.”  (Matthew 18:3-6)  In modern societies, there are often overt messages that we should be sophisticated, worldly and cynical about anything which might expose us to ridicule or taunts or just being seen as strange, for whatever reason.  Godly wisdom turns worldly human wisdom on its head by asking us to be like little children, innocent, carefree, not aggressive and perhaps understanding more and accepting more than we do as worldly and sophisticated citizens.  As Christians, we are to be free of worldliness, hatred, contempt, being judgemental and free of sinful lifestyles and knowing sinful behaviour of any kind.  Yes, we will make mistakes, but God in His mercy can forgive in a spirit of gentleness when we truly try to serve Him with a whole heart.  In making us like little children, we can start again and begin to appreciate God and his Creation with the wonder of little children.

“As he went along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should have been born blind?’  ‘Neither he nor his parents sinned,’ Jesus answered, ‘he was born blind so that the works of God might be revealed in Him.

‘As long as day lasts

we must carry out the work of the one

who sent me;

the night will soon be here

when no one can work.

As long as I am in the world

I am the light of the world’”  John 9:1-5)  It wasn’t just to prepare us for a glorious eternity in Heaven , Jesus coming into the world was also to heal peope from illnesses of many kinds, and conditions like epilepsy and leprosy and even blindness.  Christians should understand that as well as life after death, there is also life before death; we can live a peaceful, joyful, happy and purposeful existence long before we reach the pearly gates!  This might be a revelation to some people, to others it might not be, but I hope you understand that Jesus can bring you peace and security and happiness in the here and now, not just pie in the sky when you die!  He is the light of the world, when often all we see around us is darkness and millions of people living in that darkness and preferring darkness to light, preferring what is futile and falsehood and emptiness to hope and truth.

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.  This is the greatest and the first commandment.  The second resembles it:  You must love your neighbour as yourself.  On these two commandments hang the whole Law, and the Prophets too.”  (Matthew 22:37-40)  People can get hung up about law-keeping, but here Jesus states quite simply His two most important commandments, both based on love.  If we proclaim that we are Christians, whilst hating other people for any reason at all, and not knowing God at all, what value our professed Christianity?  Perhaps the whole Bible can be summed up in that four-letter word: LOVE.  Without love, Christianity just becomes religion, tired people doing tired things, people preaching sermons no one really wants to hear, people busy doing ‘religious’ things, and for what?  To tie themselves up in knots most probably.  Reducing it all to love means we can sidestep religion and find what is of true value, or certainly what is most important in our Christian walk.    

“I am the Way; I am Truth and Life.  No one can come to the Father except through me.  If you know me, you will know my Father too.”  (John 14:6-7)  Though there might be many religions, and even cults and sects of Christianity in the world, and many seeming saviours and great holy men, it is my firm belief that only through Jesus can we truly reach God and only through Jesus can we attain salvation.  It is only through Him simply because He was the only Son of God and there is no other, no other holy man or woman can have this status simply because no other person was fully God and fully man.  Knowing Jesus is knowing God, knowing God is to know Jesus.   I have a firm belief that the Bible is the inerrant Word of God; we don’t need to add anything to it, and we certainly do not need to take anything away from it either.  No other man or woman ever claimed that they were the way, the truth and life simply because no one else was, or is.  Jesus is the door, the only one who can forgive, give us real hope, and save us for better things.

Royalty, Class, Racism & Christianity

This is something completely from my heart; you may agree entirely, you may disagree entirely; you may agree partially or you may disagree partially, but please hear me out.  The notion of superiority in race and class bulks large in Western culture especially Britain, certainly England, and the United States.  In England, there is a long cosily held notion that the Queen is at the top of the class system, the Royal Family just below her, the aristocracy just below them, the Upper Classes just below them, the Middle Classes below them and the Working Classes at the bottom in graded levels of hierarchy.  This system is, of course, wonderful if you are perceived to be at the top of it, or at least somewhere comfortably in the middle; not so good if you are at the bottom.  The prejudice and frankly bigotry of such seemingly deeply-held convictions about the superiority of some and the inferiority of many others, is what keeps all kinds of double-standards, unfairness and hypocrisy going.  This can, and does, impact unfairly on many people in English society.

Class, like racism, turns on issues of the perceived superiority of some and the inferiority of others; during the height of the British Empire both racism and class were seen as important markers of, and between, people.  In Britain, notions of class were accepted and widely believed to be vitally important in the way English people related to each other; in some ways, yes even in the 21^st century, this is still important to some people.  Outside Britain, in the wider empire, notions of superior and inferior races helped justify the land grabbing and control of people and resources in India, Australia and Africa, and many other places besides, in which in some cases we are still living in the detritus of today.  Both notions of race and class were promulgated and strongly promoted to create vast pockets of wealth for some, and misery, penury and poverty for millions of others. 

In some instances certainly in Britain, issues of race and class are subtly played off against each other, with the effect of both issues being side-lined and marginalised.  The issue is also an economic one; whilst elites at the top of Britain live in wealth and splendour and have good jobs and careers, many people are out of work.  Instead of Black and Asian people and Working Class people dismissing each other’s rights as less important than their own rights, couldn’t we stand together instead of being divided? 

It seems that some people, not all certainly, will not discuss the issue of class at all, even those who pride themselves on believing in equality.  You have to understand that if you ignore the plight of one group, in effect you ignore the plight of everybody else.  To really tackle our own prejudices, and we all have them, takes a certain kind of courage and genuine self-examination.  If you set yourself up as someone who is interested in the rights of others, you should be even-handed in that endeavour and not selective.  My argument is that if someone in the class system benefits unfairly at the expense of someone else seen as lower down the scale, in the end you are part of the problem quite frankly.

For some reason nobody seems to want to talk about or debate the issue of class in England; people will talk about every other issue endlessly like racism, sexism, gender differences, religious differences and so on, but not it seems about class!  I do honestly wonder why.  I think as some people who are racist deftly and neatly ignore Black and Asian rights, certain people also deftly and neatly ignore the issues of Working Class people too.  In the same way, issues of Working Class people are again side-lined, marginalised and basically ignored.

Challenging the injustice of the class system is going to be the next big thing in England; believe me, it’s coming.

For a Christian who comes very much from a Working Class background, these issues about class have been a part of my life for a long time and I have written about and debated them many times.  It is good to remember that class, as well as many other similar issues, is a part of the world system and as such constitutes the world and all its sins and evils and injustices.  “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.”  (John 15:19 NIV)  This is something else I looked at: “You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”  (James 4:4 NIV)  I believe that all such unjust systems are not part of God and not part of His plan for the world, no matter how deeply-held such views may be.  It might be that those who benefit the most from such injustice might have a lot to answer for one day.  It is better for each individual to let go of their hatred and prejudices, each one of us, to find out what is the truth about these and many other related issues.

Many of us grow up in reduced circumstances of one kind or another, sometimes even in poverty, and then we have to deal with other people’s unfair assumptions and prejudices as well, so adding insult to injury, and justification to what can only be described as hypocrisy.  Often, it is the well-connected, the wealthy and the influential in some way who gets on, who is feted as being better than the rest, and who goes on to a wonderful life surrounded by wealth and privilege.  God, it seems, has different ideas: “Consider, brothers, how you were called; not many of you are wise by human standards, not many influential, not many from noble families.  No, God chose those who by human standards are fools to shame the wise; he chose those who by human standards are weak to shame the strong, those who by human standards are common and contemptible-indeed those who count for nothing-to reduce to nothing all those who do count for something, so that no human being might be boastful before God.“  (1 Corinthians 1:26-29 NJB)

Where does this leave the Christian, irrespective of their social class, ethnic affiliation or skin colour or gender?  I believe that if we serve God with a whole heart, and expect Him to act in our lives, we should not put obstacles in any other person’s way for any reason.  Quite simply we should refuse to be neither exploiter or exploited.

Some Home Truths

Why did God choose me, a hapless, hopeless, awkward loner, a mess of contradictions?  Did God make the right choice, or what?  In cool reflection on my sometimes troubled life, I have come to some conclusions; about my life, and life in general.  I have understood that some people seem to float through life untroubled, and other people can live in chaotic, unhappy and even unpleasant and occasionally downright dangerous circumstances in life.  Some people are lucky I guess. 

What does God’s call mean on a person’s life?  What has it meant for me?  I can say that I have found out, the hard way usually, that God definitely means what He says, and that His calling is not to be resisted in any way.  In living sinfully whilst having His call on my life, I suffered, sometimes grievously, partly in ignorance, and partly just because I wanted very much to go my own way.  I have always been headstrong, very individualistic and have often had my own ideas about how I should live.  I now believe that God knows best, not only for me but for the whole world too.  But let’s bring it right down to the personal and individual level; God has a plan for all He calls, regardless of social status, class, ethnic affiliation, whether we live in a nice area or not, whether we are particularly religious or not and notwithstanding personal circumstances of any kind whatsoever.  If God created every human being then any one of us can serve Him, whether we fit the Christian ‘type’ or not.

I’ve been a Christian for over thirty years of my life, but in talking to many Christians and hearing about many other Christians personal experiences, I don’t think I have been a typical Christian.  I’ve never been to a church to worship in my life, and although I am just in the process of getting involved in some sort of group worship, I am nervous about this and I am moving very slowly.  I don’t come from a Christian background of any kind and don’t even come from a Christian family; I have thought long and hard why God would choose me when I seem like the least promising material He could ever have called.  It’s a puzzle to me, and yet somehow it makes perfect sense too.  To some, God is the God of important people and important concerns, of large churches that dominate millions and that have multi-million dollar budgets; and perhaps to others, He is the God who listens and walks with the lowly, the despised, the unimportant, the lost, the seemingly hopeless cases; someone like me in fact.

I think we all play a part in life, we all pretend to be the person we want to be or wish we were.  I think the great Bard said it best: ‘All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.’  Maybe he was more right than he knew.  I think we all put on a mask, a show if you like, when we are amongst other people, for whatever reason; maybe to impress or to look cool or tough or more intelligent than we really are and so on.  God certainly sees us as we are, and not as we think we are.  I think in all ways, we should be true to ourselves, and try to be the person God wants us to be at the same time.  I have found that God allows me to be me, and not have to put on ‘airs and graces’ and try to be someone I am not.  It’s taken me many years of my life just to begin to be comfortable in my own skin, and to be comfortable with who I am and the person God is shaping me to be; I don’t have to pretend with God, and if I don’t have to pretend with Him then perhaps I should be just the same with other people too, even if that means I am sometimes tongue-tied, shy and a little socially awkward at times!  Well, nobody’s perfect.

There is a great dichotomy in Christian life, and it is something I have been thinking about and musing over recently.  As Christians we are meant to live up to God’s perfection, whilst at the same time knowing full well that this side of Heaven we cannot and will not reach that perfection.  This I believe creates, or can create, in the believer a kind of tension, a pull in two completely opposite directions, a tension which in the end only God can deal with.  We can’t do it on our own, however holy or religious or perfect we might think we are, and without God we might become proud about our religious standing.  With Him, there will be an understanding that as Christians we will struggle with two masters; the master that is self, and the Master that is God.  Knowing that we will not attain perfection until God finally and fully does a work in us means that we can be compassionate to other struggling souls just like ourselves, but which also gives us hope for a future yet realised, when all sorrow and suffering will take flight.

Sometimes, and for some reason not fully known to me, I have often felt the loneliest person on earth; disconnected from everyone and everything and feeling that I am purposeless and without point or a reason for being.  It’s something, yet again, that I have struggled against in my life.  I have also struggled with feelings of inferiority in my life too.  I don’t fully understand why but think it has something to with my working class background and the (relative) poverty I grew up in.  At the same time, I have come to a fuller realisation that I had a good childhood and upbringing and have never really harmed anyone or maliciously tried to hurt or upset anyone in my life.  There are people who have had far worse lives than mine.  However, these feelings of inferiority have affected my life up until recent times; they affected the way I thought about myself and affected the way I approached life and the way I was motivated to getting on in life.  Fact is, for a long time I never even tried to get on, I merely drifted.  God has given me purpose, and a purpose in life.  In embarking on a new life with God, I feel that I don’t have to look back, only forwards, and that I have the right like anyone else to make something of my life.  As for God, I know He wants only the best for me.

There have been a number of cases in the United Kingdom in recent times, where Christians trying to live their faith, maybe correctly or not I can’t fully say, have been denied their right to do so.  There is in the UK a growing trend towards secularisation, the idea that society should dispense with God altogether.  If someone doesn’t believe in God I personally think it is their right not to do so, but I think that the secular movement, in some ways at least, is trying to erase all Christianity from the UK, and therefore trying to stop Christians being Christians.  My view is simple on this; I’m not a ‘Bible-basher’ or ‘holy Joe’ of any kind, and realise that we live in a pluralistic, multi-cultural and cosmopolitan society in the UK, but this means quite simply that we should be able to live any way we choose, whether we are Christians or not, and no one should try to stop someone believing, or not believing, anything they want.  I believe that if I respect the atheist, he or she will respect me as a Christian; it’s that simple really, just mutual respect.

I have been honest because I think that when we are honest, about anything really but certainly our deeply held beliefs, we might just get to the truth of a matter.  I think sometimes that many people would rather hide behind platitudes of one kind or another rather than just face the plain simple truth.  I see the Bible as plain simple truth, profound certainly, life-changing definitely, but in the final analysis just plain simple truth of the most pure and unadulterated kind.  I know that I want my relationship with God to be a simple one, based on mutual love and the fact that He has called me for a reason, a reason that I still don’t fully understand but as I get closer to Him becomes clearer.  I don’t have to worry following God because He has my best interests at heart; I merely need to obey.

The Prodigal Son Returns

Whose life has gone just the way they planned?  I know mine certainly hasn’t.  But what can we learn from this?  Perhaps that nothing in life is certain.  No one’s life is perfect.

When we are upset, or going through a crisis, even a small crisis of one kind or another, it’s then that we often reflect on life.  We might think about the reasons for life, and maybe just what life is all about.  We might even think about the existence of God.  It is those moments, when we experience emotions that we can’t put a name to, emotions somewhere between happy and sad, neither one thing or the other, that we could begin to see that we are complex beings.  And we demand complex answers to things that we, hard as we try, never seem to find.

When we go through a life crisis of one type or other, we are facing a kind of test, although some people might not know it, or see it like that.  Some people are unlucky; they have had, or are having, hard lives.  Other people are more fortunate; they, like many of us, have had or are having decent lives.  And most of us have had one or two crises now and again; it’s the nature of life.  When you are caught up in the storm, right in the middle of all the chaos, it’s hard to see anything else or think about anything else.  This can affect us deeply.  And then, to add to it all, life goes on, and people around us seem sometimes indifferent to our plight, our troubles; and where is God?  Where is God indeed.

Looking for answers?  I’ve only got more questions.  It seems as a race, we are always questioning, always asking questions brazenly and willy-nilly, half expecting the answers to pop out of the air; they never do.  The fact that we ask questions proves that we all have a kind of nascent intelligence, regardless of upbringing, education (or lack of), and any other factor that makes us different from the next person.  We are different, but we are also similar, all part of the human family.  We are similar in that we have similar yearnings; yearnings to understand, yearnings for things to be explained to us, yearnings for something higher than ourselves and yearnings for something bigger than ourselves and possibly yearnings to belong.  We yearn, for many intangible things, but never seem to find.  It’s like we’re blind, set adrift on a lonely dirt path, that we’ve never been on before, and then we expect to find what we can’t see; no wonder so many people are confused!

There’s something that I have thought about for a long time; we’re never happy with what we are; if we have blue eyes, we want brown.  If we are tall, we want to be shorter.  If we’re big, we want to be smaller.  Whatever it is we are, we want to be something different.  I think we should really be grateful that God has made us unique; there’s no one quite like you, or me.  Human beings, the most intelligent, the most resourceful, and certainly the most destructive species on the planet, seem to be the least satisfied.  You could give someone a gold bar, and they’d complain because it was dusty.  There’s no pleasing some people.  And, yet, someone else can live a humble life, just making enough to get by, with maybe a little to spare, and they are grateful for it.  We’re a cantankerous lot us humans, restless and forever wanting to change things, not happy with what we have, and always ready to moan and complain if things just aren’t right.  Well, some of us anyway.  What’s the answer?  Maybe we’ll find some, if we search hard enough.

When I look at some wealthy people, I wonder whether they are truly happy.  It seems to me that the more money people get, the more they seem to want; they never seem satisfied.  After your first million or so, when you never have to worry about it again, then it seems that some people just want more and more.  Is there a spiritual emptiness to some people’s lives, that they try to fill with material things?  I do wonder.  And then I look at the wealth that organised Christianity has, like the Vatican and the Church of England.  If the Vatican has billions of pounds of wealth, and vast collections of in some cases priceless art works, and to my knowledge has vast land holdings, then what is the purpose of that wealth?  Does it serve God?  I have visited Rome and seen the relative poverty of some of the people living there; can’t the Vatican help to find people work in Italy and in countries around Italy, and help young people to get work, and help make people’s lives easier with all that wealth?  And likewise with the Church of England; doesn’t it have enough wealth to help, really help, people get work and be trained and help people get educated?  I may be being too harsh here, for these organisations may indeed be doing just that, but I think they need to be more transparent about what they are doing with all that wealth.  Money seems to get in the way of everything, especially friendship, love and concern for fellow humans.

Isn’t it funny how age creeps up on us; no sooner we are teenagers, then somehow we’re adults, and then somehow we’re middle aged.  And we don’t know how it happened.  When we’re young, we want to be older and what we think is more sophisticated.  When we’re old, we might pine for the days of our youth, and perhaps wish we could undo all the stupid things we did or said in our salad days.  When we might find a moment, a rare moment, where we are just satisfied, just glad to be alive regardless of all the problems, misgivings and worries we might have, it's then we might reflect on the peace that so deftly evades us most of the time.  Peace; isn’t that what it’s all about?  Even in the Old Testament, with its genocide, fratricidal wars, envy, rape, warfare, rage, jealousy, disobedience to God, general bloodletting and so on, reading between the lines I get the feeling that God wanted His people to have peace; peace to sit under their own vine and fig tree.  Anyone without peace in their lives may quickly realise that peace, far down on most people’s lists, is actually like an oasis in a desert.  It is God’s peace that I think most Christians are seeking.  And it might be peace that people are seeking when they drink too much, or abuse drugs, or seek vast wealth.  But real peace has nothing much to do with any of these things; where will we get us some peace?  Is there such thing as peace, perfect peace?  Instead of searching for real peace, we make troubles for ourselves, and heap misery upon misery.  And, then, we wonder why we are so miserable!

If we are seeking peace, genuine peace, in our lives, where do we begin?  And, as well as seeking peace, perhaps we are seeking other things too, like maybe a job or a better job, to get ourselves educated, to save to start a business, to become a better photographer or writer or painter or guitarist or musician, or whatever it is we want to do; it’s all within our grasp to be honest.  So, peace; where will we find peace, and its brother, contentment?  I have learned quite simply throughout my life that God is the only source of real peace and real contentment.  It isn’t about being the richest, or the best, or the toughest, or the most beautiful or handsome, it goes beyond these things; it isn’t also about accepting mediocrity in our lives, or somehow accepting poverty and limited horizons either; it’s harder to define than this.  Some people could be content living in a tin shack with rainwater to wash in and a banana tree to eat dinner from.  But that for me isn’t really godly contentment either.  It isn’t about a lack of material things any more than it is about having lots of material things and wealth and so on.  It goes beyond this too.  So, just what is contentment then?  I think contentment begins with being grateful to God for any good things we take in our lives for granted, and just simply being glad for those good things, whatever they might be.  And peace?  Well, for me, peace is at its simplest really a spiritual condition, not necessarily the absence of troubles which we all have now and again, but a condition where we learn to fully put our faith solely in God, whatever happens and whatever the circumstances we might find ourselves in.  It is possible to have peace in the centre of the storm.

I was reflecting on life again, and I was thinking how that in life, relatively few people become world famous or even moderately famous, relatively few people become super-wealthy or famous like Jimi Hendrix or Winston Churchill or Barack Obama; and I thought honestly ‘does it really matter?’  How many people have lived anonymous lives?  Most people that have ever lived in fact.  I sometimes go for short breaks to Llandudno, a small but pretty coastal town in North Wales, and there is a mountain there called the Great Orme.  On the Great Orme, there is a church called St Tudno’s.  Apparently it goes back centuries and centuries but I don’t know how old the present church there is.  There are two specific gravestones I noted when I was there.  Both are children, called Sarah and William, of Robert Williams, who was a mariner.  They died at the end of the 18^th century.  I always think just what sort of lives they led, what they ate, what they believed, what if any dreams they had, why they died at such a young age.  Were they loved and cherished?  Who can say?  They’ve lain there all those years, long forgotten by most people, with all the history that has passed since they died.  Their whole lives, short lives at that, marked by two carved slabs of slate.  Then I thought that this was the fate of most of humanity; certainly in the past, not even the dim and distant past, people’s lives were generally hard, people often didn’t have enough to eat, or proper clothes, or medicines, or access to help and advice.  How far we’ve come, and how fortunate for some of us to live lives far removed from those times.  So, in the great scheme of things, we should be grateful to God for whatever good things we have, and perhaps reflect on two children from long ago who perhaps didn’t.

If God is the Father, then I was one of His wayward sons; one of the many no doubt.  I had to learn what it was like without Him, to really understand what it was like with Him, and to understand what I was missing.  I was the prodigal son and, eventually, I returned to my Father, my heavenly Father.  But I had to learn the hard way just what being estranged from God means.  It seems as a species, we always make things hard for ourselves unnecessarily, and we make what is essentially simple, a relationship with God, into something complicated.  I think religion is one thing, and Christianity is something else.  I sometimes think that some people who fervently espouse Christianity, are actually being only too religious, and instead of waiting on God, and truly being inspired from God, run ahead of themselves making all sorts of statements and living in ways that are not from God at all.  I think we have all done this; but we must learn to live as God would have us live; it’s that simple, and that difficult.

Worry, Worry, Worry

Are you one of those people who find it easier to worry about everything, rather than not worry about everything?  I find myself in this position sometimes and don’t really know why; everything gets on top of me and all I want to do is pull the duvet over my head and never get out of bed again!  I think many people have the same feeling now and again.  Do we ever fully understand human feelings and emotions, do we ever sit down and really try to understand them?

In trying to come terms with our emotions, how we think and feel, and maybe especially as Christians, we might begin to think about God and how He made us in His image; what exactly does that mean?  I certainly don’t think God is a big bearded bloke in the sky, balancing on a cloud!  Seriously, God is of course the supreme spiritual being of the universe, far from our general understanding.  But, if He did make us in His image, then we share traits with Him even though we are very different.  We share a spiritual dimension which must not be overlooked.  Our emotions, whether good or bad, I believe are part of that synthesis we have with God.  When humans feel very bad they can do bad things; when humans feel good they can do good things.  So, we know that how we feel can often impact on other people; sometimes positively and, unfortunately, sometimes negatively.

So we worry, and if we are we honest, we don’t really know why; perhaps it’s just a part of being human; perhaps it’s a part of those emotions that we don’t really understand.  I think that if we are in tune with God, our emotions tune into Him as well.  In other words, we may just find that as we lead a God-driven existence, we begin to find peace and contentment in our lives too.  Of course no one’s life is ever perfect or always runs smoothly, but I think we can live in general in a level of peace with God that we certainly couldn’t without Him.

Patience

We want to receive, so we pray.  We pray, and we don’t receive so we get despondent; so we indulge, and create more problems.  We pray for a job, and we don’t get one.  We pray for a better life all told, but we still feel we are stuck in a rut.  We want something to change and to change for the better, and nothing seems to change.  We want something new but have to put up with the old.  We yearn for things we can’t put into words and struggle with what we can’t fully understand.  We are in a mess, and we want everything straightened out straight away.  We want everything, and think we have nothing.  What are we being taught?  Perhaps, after all, we are being taught patience.

Mid-Life Crisis

Do we wander in the desert for 40 years as Christians, until we reach middle age, then find God more relevant?  I feel that for much of my life I haven’t really been ‘in tune’ with God, maybe for one reason and another.  I lived in sin for chunks of my life, it’s as simple as that.  If you have a calling on your life, and you choose to ignore it or not take it seriously as the Israelites often didn’t, you will sooner or later find your life unravelling as I have many times before today.  And as we read in the Bible, God will also punish people for their abandonment of Him.  So, it is possible to spend many years in the wilderness, to all intents and purposes ‘doing our own thing’ and finding that we achieve little and are at the same time not satisfied.  I firmly believe that if we disregard God, we make the biggest mistake of our lives and, like the Israelites of old, we may very well wander in the desert for 40 years before we see sense.  This is how it’s been for me anyway.

It seems clear to me that all Christians will suffer in some way for their sin, and for not taking God seriously at His word.  He does have the power to move in our lives, and He does have the power to transform us from wretched sinners to useful servants; if only we let this sink in!  Some people who are not Christians may perceive Christianity as a sort of jolly club for the terminally nice living in nice neighbourhoods and singing nice hymns on Sundays in nice, quaint churches.  It is an image that for me isn’t really true; there is no stereotype Christian any more than there is a stereotype human being.  God calls all types of people to Him, and if He called me I think He can call anyone!  What I’m trying to tell you is that God is bigger, more profound, more amazing and more life changing than anything else you may have experienced or anything else you may imagine or perceive.  It isn’t necessarily about dusty churches and dog-eared hymnbooks, it is more a lived reality on a daily and on-going basis with a God who is not too proud to walk with us providing we are not too proud to walk with Him.

If we spend years living in the wilderness, away from God and His love and values and law and so on, after it we might begin to reflect a little.  When God punishes us for living in sin, we are meant to learn a lesson from this; sometimes we might have to learn a number of lessons.  I believe God wants us to serve Him with a whole heart, and wants us to trust Him and put our faith and hope in Him that He will see us right, and in a better condition than we could be without Him.

Positivity and Negativity

Negative people can nurture doubts, while positive people can try to nurture possibilities.  You may have a very good reason to be negative or filled with negativity but in the long run it doesn’t serve any purpose other than to make you unhappy or discontented.  I believe that God is all positive, there is no negative with Him at all, and I also believe He wants us to be realistically positive rather than unrealistically negative.  We all know what it’s like to be around someone who is always negative, always finding faults and always finding reasons not to try something and always complaining that everything is bad.  We might even have friends like this; we might even be like this ourselves. 

What is the answer to being extremely negative?  I think first we need to pray about it, and then maybe ask ourselves why we are so negative.  I have had a lot of unhappy experiences with women, and for a long time you could say for the most part I hated women.  I think there are many men who hate women, and I think there are many women who hate men, because of bad experiences of one kind or another.  You can spend a long time with this mind-set, even if you have good reason for it, but you won’t have anything to show for it at the end of the day other than an unfulfilling bitterness.  And, when it boils right down to it, this kind of thinking is a negative trait; our thinking and behaviour and our mind-set are either positive or negative.  You might say quite honestly, certainly at this time, that life seems to be more negative than positive in general, and also that no matter how positive we might be, no one’s life ever runs smoothly.  I would answer, yes it’s true life isn’t perfect, but ultimately it’s how we face things in life whether good or bad that really defines us; a positive person might find a way, whereas a bitterly negative person usually won’t.  If you think you can, you just might, if you think you can’t, you probably won’t.  My dream is to be a published author; I’m realistically positive about this, rather than unrealistically negative; if it doesn’t happen then at least I’ve tried and if it does happen I will have seen my dream realised.  So, for me, it’s always better to be positive than negative.

The second Chance

In the last couple of months I feel my life has tumbled into chaos, and I’m only too aware that I am far from God; a painful thing for a Christian to admit.  But, if I have one thing, at least it’s honesty!

Pretending?

How many Christians pretend that their lives are perfect and everything’s ticking along just nicely, when the truth might be very different?  I’ve known people who seemed to go from one crisis to another in unfortunately quick succession, and I’ve known people who seem to breeze through life and never seem to have a troubled moment.  Me?  Well, I tend to be somewhere in the middle; I go along nicely for a while, and then for some reason everything seems to collapse around my ears.  When we are happy or relatively untroubled, we don’t really reflect on why, but when we are troubled or something unpleasant occurs, it’s perhaps then that we might reflect.  I’ve suffered on and off with depression for over half my life; I know when I am suffering as I begin to struggle to get out of bed, and for some reason I start questioning everything; the meaning of life, why we are here, what does it all mean, and so on.

Suffering seems such a large part of the human experience; I think everyone suffers in some way or other, suffering that we bring on ourselves because of what we have done and suffering that often might come out of a clear blue sky, so to speak.  No one escapes it, and we all have to come to terms with it.  It might be for some Christians that the suffering they are going through is because God is trying to bring them to an understanding or a revelation of some kind.  I have lived in so much error as a Christian, and endured so much of God’s punishment, really correction, that I have developed a kind of savvy, a kind of wisdom, all ‘after the fact’ I may add.  I can speak of God’s mercy and I can speak of His wrath because I have personally experienced both in my life, and a number of times too.  What have I learnt?  I have learnt that God means what He says, and that He has the power to operate in our lives and move mountains too.

The Second Chance

If we are being honest, we all need a second chance from time to time.  I don’t just mean criminals either, I mean every one of us.  God has the ability to allow us to start again, to begin afresh, to be made anew, so that we can find in life just what it is God wants from us and for us for that matter.  Being a Christian, trying to actively serve God on a daily basis, means we more than most will, hopefully, be more in tune with God.  What does God want with us, after all?  Why should He be so concerned with a bunch of hopeless sinners anyway?  Well, He created us, so maybe He has the right to involve Himself in our affairs.

A second chance means that we can get right with God again, when perhaps we haven’t been serving Him at all really.  I need a second chance quite frankly because I find myself in the wilderness, and struggle to see any signposts and struggle to make any headway in my life at this time.  But I have a tenacious faith, it’s probably the only thing I do have in abundance.  I’m right in the middle of the storm.  I am I feel in a transitional period of my life, waiting for something to happen but not knowing what; isn’t that only too human?

I think those who are criminals need a second chance as well; if we don’t allow people to change and to move on, and to enjoy God’s mercy, what happens when we ourselves cry out for the mercy of God; won’t He ignore us?  I have found that I have so much of my own sin to contend with that I just haven’t any time to look at anyone else’s sin.  I think God wants us to be aware of our own faults before we start pointing out everyone else’s.

God’s Mercy

I have understood this too; God’s mercy is bigger than His wrath.  I have experienced His mercy and His wrath throughout my adult life.  It has taken me a lot of ups and downs with God to come to some understanding with Him.  I don’t go to a church as yet, and am just in the process of sorting this out, so it has always been just me and God.  It is obvious that, sooner or later, God wants us as individuals to have Christian friends to share in the Christian walk.  Being quite a private and even shy person, at times anyway, this has always been hard for me to come to terms with; but, slowly but surely, I see the first beginnings of my Christian life being shared with others. 

So, certainly God’s mercy is more important than His wrath; His anger lasts but a moment but His love lasts for ever.  I find myself going from one stage of life to another, I also find that I have to have faith in God each day to see me through each painful day; without leaning on God I would probably be an alcoholic or a burnt-out wreck, a shell of a man in fact.  And, once, without God I was a wreck, a complete mess going nowhere and going from one unhappy experience to another almost in quick succession.  That period of life has gone now.  I won’t tell you that my life is perfect now, but it’s a whole lot better now than it was.  God’s mercy is beginning to shine brightly in my life.

Mind Your Own Business!

Part of our walk with God is an utterly personal and completely individual experience; we are all often very different people and God deals with people as He finds them.  We are all at different places with God.  To some, God needs to be hard, to others He is gentler than a new born lamb.  To one person, He is the brightest star revealing everything, and to another He is darkness itself, almost unfathomable and unknowable; for a season anyway.  We are all going towards the same light, but we are all coming at Him from different angles.  This means that my walk is very different from someone else’s; we can share our experiences of God with each other but we can’t often know what someone else is going through and because of this God treats us all individually.  I also believe quite firmly that there are no favourites with God of any kind regardless of class differences, racial differences, whether we are men or women, American or British, Jew or Gentile.  I believe God loves us all equally and can take anyone of us and raise us to great heights.  In the light of this, sometimes it’s best for us to be concerned about other people and care for them, but not to get too hung up about their walk with God; mind you own business, in other words!

Troubles of all Kinds

If we look around us, even in wealthy societies and nations, there seems a never-ending stream of suffering people, and certainly unhappy people.  I suppose I was one of them.  Some people seem beset by problems of one kind and another, whilst others breeze through life, or seem to anyway.  What is the answer to such unhappiness?  Especially if it seems people have no serious thing to be unhappy about.  What is the cause of so much trouble and unhappiness in wealthy western countries?  Are we ever satisfied with what we have?  Aren’t we, if we are honest, always clamouring for more, when we don’t really need it?  One of the things I have learnt as a Christian, is that we should learn to be grateful for what we have whilst not worrying about what we don’t have.  I’m not suggesting we accept poverty in our lives or anything like that, I don’t think God wants anyone to live in any kind of poverty, just that we should count our blessings before we complain.

God is the perfect source for bringing us better lives, of all kinds, and He can bring us peace in the storm.