Sunday, 9 March 2014

I want to set up a Merseyside based church help group for men struggling with porn addiction and all related issues.

There are no groups in the UK, certainly church groups, to my knowledge that deal directly with porn, sex and other related addictions and compulsions for heterosexual Christian men, whether single or married, in the UK or Ireland.  I am ambitious for setting up a group in my local Merseyside area first, but not particularly ambitious to be some sort of leader because I am struggling with this issue myself and caught right slap bang in the middle of it sadly enough.  I keep falling and struggling with this issue, and I know I am being disobedient to God but at least I am praying for forgiveness and asking Him into everything.  I feel moved to involve myself in this issue because it has overwhelmed me before and it is overwhelming me now.  And if this is affecting me, I know there are many other Christian heterosexual men going through the same painful and hard struggle I am going through.

I don't say to God 'It'll never happen again, I promise' because I have said that and I have done it all over again.  I now say 'I truly don't want it to happen again and I am truly sorry and repentant at what has just happened and please be merciful to me and forgive me Lord.'  It is all I can do at the moment.  As you can imagine, I am desperate, distraught, feel at rock bottom and the lowest I have ever felt, and I know that I am disobeying God, making myself miserable and feel I am self destructing... and yet at the moment I just can't stop.  So, that alone tells me I have a serious problem, and so I need serious help from as many quarters as I can get.  But of course, I have prayed about this too.  I feel called in some way to do something to help myself as I don't want it to get worse, and in the process try to bring some help to other men struggling with this issue too.

Now, you might say, 'why not a group for Christian men struggling with same sex attractions?' Well, primarily because I am not gay or have any of those tendencies or feelings, so would rather concentrate on what I do understand and what I am struggling with.  I don't have a problem with heroin, so would it be wise to try and counsel others on a subject I know little about?  You get my drift.  If you do have issues with that particular struggle there are groups out there aimed at you.  Or, start your own church group.  Of course, that doesn't mean that if I can help in any way in helping you set up a group for other addictions I won't.  I will be happy to do what I can, or at least point you towards who can help.  We are brothers after all. 

There is now no place for hiding.  To get victory over this, I need to tell my church group or at least someone who will listen, but I also need serious accountability from someone who has struggled with this issue and overcome it with the precious blood of Jesus and who has gained victory through this battle by leaning on Jesus and asking Him into every area of this struggle.  We also need to understand that as we need Jesus, we need each other, which is why I have called this particular Merseyside fledgling group, and hopefully UK and Ireland wide, 'Brothers For Purity' and the blog I have just set up of the same name, which I am just beginning to work on, which you can find here at: Just as an aside, I believe we also owe it to our Christian sisters to help them understand the enormous struggle some even decent Christian men have with this issue and we need to be totally open and honest here, without of course being in any way graphic, specific or explicit.  That is not a Christ like approach.  We merely need to let women know that even when we know what we are doing is wrong, and revolts us to the core, we still struggle with it all the same.  I now believe to get through some of this, we must and have to be open and honest about our struggle.  So I suggest that a Christian woman or women set up a Sisters For Purity group and blog/website too, for women perplexed by this issue, and also may I add for women struggling with these issues themselves.

I am asking for people, heterosexual Christians primarily, who wish to get involved in setting up a men's group in a Merseyside church dealing with porn and sex and all related addictions and compulsions.  I am not trying to set up a secular group here, it is purely and simply a Christian based and Biblical based group, but all men of whatever faith or none will be welcome too, with the knowledge that only Jesus can bring us all through this self destructive 'lifestyle', if you can call it that.

There is of course a need for general anonymity here, everything will be confidential and kept in group, for obvious reasons.  I will leave my email address at the end of this post so you can contact me in complete anonymity without leaving a comment at all.  I have put myself in the breach, so to speak, because someone needs to and I feel that a small part of my redemption and repentance will come about through being completely honest and open about my struggle.  I also feel that part of my Christian life is going to be rather curiously bound up with this issue, but of course I am asking God into this too.

OK, so I suggest these things for the group.  We are all strugglers together and can encourage each other in this struggle.  We also need men who have overcome this issue, with God's Strength, the indwelling of His Holy Spirit and the covering of His Grace, to counsel us as a group and with private one to one sessions when we need that too.  We need especially for general accountability in this area because without that we will be isolated and feel no one cares just because no one knows.  It is first and foremost a Christ centred recovery and help group, there are secular groups if you want them, and it will be based on the understanding that only Jesus can save us from this self destructive addiction and set us on a new course, bring freedom in its wake and give us a totally new life where we live through Him, and not the faulty or disordered desires of our corrupt nature or the fallen world system all around us.

I just want to add this.  If I am called to lead this group in someway, in many senses God has called the least capable, the least able, the most socially awkward person imaginable, with no money, a bit of an education and someone who could not be called religious in any way, and I am not a minister or pastor or priest and don't belong to any denomination, I am just trying to live as a Christian.  But, I am learning to be a fighter, and I believe we have to be proactive in this struggle, although we see before us Goliath and the whole army of the Philistines, we can win this fight if we ask God into the struggle, of that I am certain.