Monday, 17 June 2013

Chaos Boy

It seems that life can sometimes be suffering, and what I have found as a Christian is that suffering brings out questions in me, one way or the other.  No one likes to suffer, no one, but it’s a reality that some time or other we will all succumb to some kind of suffering or emotional pain or heartache.  Life is often big themes too; love, lust, success, failure, war, peace, happiness, sadness, hatred, harmony and so much else that makes human life so complex and so interesting but of course what often goes beyond them all is when we suffer for some reason; probably one thing all humans have in common is that we have all experienced suffering in some way for some reason or other.  Our common human experience today as well as historically is that people have suffered, do suffer and will undoubtedly suffer at some point in their lives.  I’m not trying to be miserable here, just basically honest.

I have a lot of emotional baggage, in fact I think most people do, but much of my negative feelings come from past experiences of meeting flaky and not very nice women in pubs and clubs and trying in my own way to be nice and to get to know them only to usually meet with some unpleasant or generally negative response.  I know I have issues with this and am asking God into this each day.  What’s rather curious though is that I have a number of women friends, a good few of them dotted around the world who except in one case I haven’t personally met but who I at the same time consider really good friends who I love as sisters, and one female friend who I see regularly every week and have a good natter with and share all kinds of DVDs with, especially my growing collection of Film Noir movies.  So my negative feelings are already healthily balanced out with this fact.  But, and not to digress, I have felt at times in my life that I was mistreated by women even though most of these women I never knew at all, just in passing.  At times, though only occasionally I feel a bit down about this and I pray Lord that you give me inner peace instead of the inner turmoil I have now.  But God is merciful and He sends me all kinds of decent people, both male and female, who I love and who love and care about me too.  Perhaps my problem is that I am too sensitive, but I just don’t know really.  Unhappy creature, storm-tossed, unpitied, look, I shall lay your stones on agates and your foundations on sapphires. I shall make your battlements rubies, your gateways firestone and your entire wall precious stones. All your children will be taught by Yahweh and great will be your children's prosperity.  (Isaiah 54:11-13 NJB)  I think that most single men, and single women too, desiring genuinely to meet someone to love, be their best mate, marry and have kids with can take solace in that piece of scripture and I know that all scripture is worth reading because it has value and God does not make idle promises, not now or not ever.

What I have come to understand about love, romance, finding someone to love and all that is that it is not an easy thing at all, and it isn’t all about being fantastic looking or having lots of wealth and a big house with a swimming pool with a £100,000 car in the drive and a few businesses and a holiday home; when people confuse security of some kind or because someone looks great with love I think in the end they make a mistake.  Of course no one wants to be involved with someone who sits around drinking beer all day watching the TV or someone who has no drive or ambition, or would be with someone they didn’t find at all attractive, but there is more to life than perfect looks and a bulging bank account.  And although I am a Christian and try to be modest in the way I approach women, there is an aspect of lust in the purest romance!  If you love someone, you might say in the understated English way ‘she’s alright’ but you might also add in that saucy English way ‘she’s a bit of alright!’ too, which basically means that she looks attractive and sexy!  Whichever way you look at it then, physical attraction has to be part of love, indeed how could it not?  If God created men and women, He created something in us, certainly men at any rate, to find women attractive, to find femininity and sweetness and long hair something that we men can’t really do without.  And perhaps women find us men attractive too; sometimes!    

We all have struggles with the flesh, in one way or another. I hasten to add I’m not running around with wild wanton women, getting drunk and running off into the night; more’s the pity!  Seriously, we all struggle with our feelings, all kinds of feelings, and our feelings often affect the way we are physically to a point.  If we are happy, then generally we feel physically good, and if we are unhappy then this can make us feel run down, or give us headaches or stomach aches or generally make us feel out of sorts.  And many Christians, both men and women, struggle with feelings that God wants us to control, and perhaps many Christians, if they are honest, feel a twinge of jealousy when they see people doing what they want and living lifestyles that perhaps in the end don’t really bring any peace or meaning into their lives.  Before I was a Christian, I was a bit wild, I partied, looked for women and drank a lot of beer!  But, doesn’t everyone get a bit wild sometimes?  Now I drink moderately or often not at all, I rarely go out on the town; and as for women?  Well, I’m working on it!

Now I see the value of not living in the past, not living in the future, just trying to live day by day.  If I worry about something in the future, I’ll get all stressed out about it and then when it finally happens, as is usual, I’ll be thinking what did I have to worry about anyway.  I suspect we all do this from time to time.  I am firmly trying to put my life in God’s capable hands and just let Him deal with everything.  And letting go and just letting God work in our lives is the easiest thing to say, and perhaps the hardest thing for Christians to do.  Oh, we’re very good at preaching aren’t we, but not so good at listening to biblical advice and wisdom ourselves?!  So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (Matthew 6:34 NJB)


  1. T-Childs:

    This was a very honest and encouraging post for me. God wishes to grant His children the desires of their hearts but sometimes that means we have to wait until the time is right.

    I am not good at waiting. Its a very difficult thing, especially when you see everyone around you reaching their dreams and yours are still to be realized.

    But God has a purpose for our lives and He does not forget us. Endurance. Strength of character. Those things are what are important to Him.

    And one day, when the dreams finally come true, we will enjoy them so much more.

    God is good. His timing is perfect. Blessings and peace to you.

    Psalm 37: 5 says, " Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."

  2. Hi Tim,
    I think the thing that God wants us to be most of all is 'honest', and that is what you are. 'I will maintain my own ways' said Job, 'for a hypocrite will not come before the Lord'. I think the book of Job is one of the best books in the Bible, for he sought out God and questioned Him, and God rewarded him for it. The 'take no thought for tomorrow' has always been prominent in my life as we tend to think negative about our futures anyway', and with Job the very things he feared came upon him. I totally agree with what Sincerity has said, that there is a time for everything and there couldn't be a better time than God's time.

  3. I was once told by a honky-tonk angel that I couldn't be cool even after being trapped in a meat locker overnight. Sigh.

    Oh, and word verification is still firmly engaged here. If you would like to get rid of it, please follow the steps below.

    (1) Go to your Blogger-in-Draft dashboard and click on the downward pointing arrow to the right of the blog's title.

    (2) Click on "Setting" on the drop-down menu.

    (3) Click on "Posts and Comments" toward the bottom of the page on the left.

    (4) Scroll down to "Show Word Verification?" and choose "No."

    (5) Click on "Save Settings" at the top of the page on the right, and that is all there is to it.

    Now, if you start having a problem with spam comments getting through the automatic spam filter, you can always go back to the way it is now by choosing "Yes" for the option of showing word verification. Another option is to not allow anonymous comments or to start employing comment moderation by choosing "Always" for that option, which is located just above the word verification one. In between is where you can leave an email address to receive email notifications of comments to either publish or not. This is the way I now have it in order to allow for legitimate anonymous comments to be left. Granted, they are generally very few and very far between, but I have received some anonymous comments in the past that made enduring the aggravation of receiving hundreds of spam ones (sometimes in the course of just one day) well worth it.

  4. Dear Tim,
    Having remained single until I was 47 years old, I fully understand how you feel. During my bachelor days I too felt bouts of loneliness, even boredom as well.
    But I can testify that God has you close to his heart, and he will fulfill the desires of your heart if you fully trust him.
    God bless.

  5. Thanks everyone for your wonderful and insightful comments.

    'This was a very honest and encouraging post for me.' Thankyou for being so honest in your blog too; it has helped me a lot.

    'I think the thing that God wants us to be most of all is 'honest', and that is what you are.' I try to be honest Brenda, I really do. Why hide behind platitudes anyway? Who'd want to read that?

    'I was once told by a honky-tonk angel that I couldn't be cool even after being trapped in a meat locker overnight. Sigh.' Jerry, I'd like to party with you someday, it sounds like you've had an interesting life. If only I could meet hony-tonk angels! As for the word verification thingy, I'll get it sorted out.

    'During my bachelor days I too felt bouts of loneliness, even boredom as well.
    But I can testify that God has you close to his heart...'
    I appreciate that Frank. Thank you!

  6. T, thank you for your transparency. Appreciated what you had to share here. That is what being real is all about. Blessings.

    1. That's very kind of you! I'm going to put your blog on my blogroll now.

  7. " letting go and just letting God work in our lives is the easiest thing to say" that pretty much sums it up for me. I have been having my own struggles but been praying along the way asking God to direct my paths. As for suffering, I know as believers we will ALL suffer, more than we might like even, but our reward in heaven will make these struggles look like a walk in the park. "Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution." 2 Timothy 3:12. When I suffer this scripture gives me hope, and so many other scriptures. Very wonderful post Tim.

    1. Yes it is Sateigdra, it's easy for us to say it and think about, but how often do we just pray about a situation and then just literally leave it to God, without worrying about it or trying to do something in our own strength? At times, I find myself worrying and stressing (as at this present time) and at other times I feel happy and take each day as it comes. No one likes to suffer, nobody at all, but it is certain in this life that we will, all of us Christian or not. I am fervently praying that this suffering I am enduring will enable to me lean on God more than I usually do.

  8. When you are given the time, reading The Thirteenth Crumb of The Crackerhead Chronicles should give you some insight into where I had wandered before our Heavenly Father started making Himself real unto me.

    1. I will have a look at it asap Jerry. And as for the word veri-thingy, I don't like it to be honest; my policy is to welcome one and all, as everyone's opinion is as valid as mine. If someone has had the grace to read my blog, I can at least have the grace to hear their POV too.

    2. Very well said, my dear T-Child! I wish more Christian bloggers would follow your example.

  9. WOO HOO! I just saw that the word verification is gone. THANK YOU!